Robert Day 5 & 6
Ladybug
les_537

Sunday morning we took Robert to urgent care and discovered he has Strep Throat.

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Robert Day 3&4
Ladybug
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Robert started feeling better Friday so he went to school.

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Robert Day 2
Ladybug
les_537

So last night wasn't the best; Robert woke up at around 11:30 needing "lovin" (he wants to cuddle).

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Robert Day 1
Ladybug
les_537

I'm hoping that tracking my son's behavior we can see a pattern and help him fix it.

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Can 2015 be over already?
Ladybug
les_537
I am so ready for this year to be over. My sister got arrested in early July because she didn't pay a ticket for expired tags and had a warrant out for her arrest. Her 16 year old daughter had just come for the summer, so she got to deal with all of that. Then my best friend died after suffering from a brain tumor for only a few months. It just grew so quickly and was in a spot they couldn't operate on. She had just turned 55, so she should have had a long life ahead. Then my husband went to Ohio for a wedding, came back, and our son got sick (the throw-up kind), so he had to take even more time off. Then I got Strep Throat, which made me miss 2 days at my new job (of which I didn't get paid since I'm a contractor). Then my husband's uncle died from cancer, although not as suddenly as my friend. Right after that my dog was diagnosed with cancer!!! He's living with my parents now because he and my dad really bonded and I couldn't part them when we moved. My parents are much more financially able to handle cancer treatments, so there's one good thing. Then yesterday I woke up with a super scratchy throat, which felt exactly like when I had strep. So I got in with my doctor and low and behold, I have strep...again!!! So I got some medicine and started feeling better in the afternoon. This morning I wake up to my phone ringing at 5 am from a familiar 877 number...my sister was arrested again, this time for driving on a suspended license. Turns out whoever she spoke to that said her license was not suspended was incorrect, and it was her responsibility to bring a letter from the court saying the reason for the suspension was taken care of. So instead of being able to stay home and rest today, I had to deal with my sister's shit...again.

I'm not trying to be so negative, but I don't have anyone to vent to, and I needed to get it out. I have a great husband who is taking care of all the court shit for my sister. I have a smart, health little man who is so sweet and funny. I have a good job that I enjoy, and they seem to like me (now if they would just hire me...). My dog training is doing well, and I'm going to start training service dogs soon, which I'm super excited for. This summer has just piled a bunch of stuff all at once, and I'm ready for it to be done.

Goodbye Betsey
Ladybug
les_537
One of my best friends died yesterday of an inoperable brain tumor. It came on suddenly and grew so quickly that there was nothing the doctors could do. She was only 55, and barely made it to that (her birthday was July 5, and she died July 13).

I met Betsey when we both worked at a manufacturing plant. I was the Admin and she was the IT Tech. She and I were friendly fairly quickly, and since my then fiancé /now husband has 3 brothers, I asked her to be a bridesmaid. I'm so glad I did, because we became very close. She helped me through 3 deployments my husband had to take, and I was her official doggy babysitter. We grew apart when I was fired, but still made it a point to spend time together when we could. She was the most excited about us having a baby, and I'm glad she got to meet my son.

Possible dream job?
Ladybug
les_537
I have been training dogs for about 4 years, with my business really picking up in the last year. I absolutely love it and wish I had discovered it sooner, but such is life.

I got a call today from a group called Train a Dog, Save a Warrior, who specialize in training dogs for combat veterans with PTSD, traumatic brain injuries, and general anxiety disorders associated with time in combat. They want me to apply to be one of their trainers for my area. I am BEYOND excited for this opportunity. It's even a paying job, which makes it even better. Plus, I will be doing a job I already love AND helping people at the same time...it's almost too good to be true.

They're supposed to send me the paperwork tonight, and I'm hoping to look it over and return it soon.

Dreaming of the past
Ladybug
les_537
I keep dreaming of my ex-boyfriend from high school. We dated my sophomore and junior years, and he was my first love. He was a little dorky, being taller and lankier than most of the other guys, and he played Magic, the Gathering and was in the band (as was I), so not exactly prom king material. But he was sweet and caring, and I didn't know what I had. We started fighting a lot because there was another girl in band who kept flirting with him, but he wasn't interested and just thought she was being nice (I knew better). After we were apart for a little while I really wanted to get back together, but I let my pride get the better of me, and acted like I was happy being single. He ended up getting to know a girl we went to church with really well on a mission trip, and I was DEVISTATED when they started dating. They were a year ahead of me, and stayed together when he went into the Navy and she went to college. They even got engaged, so I got over it and moved on with my life. Fast forward from 1997 to 2004: I had moved to Seattle and back following a guy I thought I was going to marry who didn't keep his promises. I had gotten back into church and was actively living for God. I get a phone call that summer: it was mr high school. He and his fiancé had called things quits, and he was in the area for training after graduating from the Naval Academy. I was ELATED that he was a) single, and b) calling me. We went out and reconnected. The problem came, surprisingly enough, from my renewed faith. He said he wanted to just have a couple of flings, and that he didn't feel like he was ready for anything serious. He also had a date with one of his sister's friends, who was a few years older than him. Well, he ended up falling in love with this woman, and they were engaged a few months later. She has medical issues that don't allow her to have kids, and they recently adopted a baby boy.

I am happy for him, don't get me wrong. The way he talks about his wife is wonderful. He is very successful, just obtained his masters degree, and has turned into a very handsome guy. And he has such faith in God...something he seemed to be struggling with when we last saw each other. And I'm happy, too. My husband is wonderful, and a great father. He's not a Christian, which doesn't help my issues with faith right now, but I have no doubt that he is the one I'm ment to be with.

That's why these dreams are so bothersome...I don't want to be without my husband. I don't want his wife to die or leave (because I know he would never leave her). I'm happy with my life and family, and these dreams keep making me wistful for something that I don't really want and will never happen. I guess I mostly wish this guy had never contacted me after high school. It made him into "the one that got away", and will now always be my biggest "what if". And it's not like I can talk to my husband about this.

Why is making friends so damn hard?
Ladybug
les_537

Ok, let me start by saying that I have never made friends easily. Being an introvert makes it difficult to meet people because the idea of going up to a complete stranger and starting a conversation terrifies me. Couple that crippling shyness with a 2 year old, no job outside the home, and having only lived here for a little over 2 years, and making friends is quite the challenge. Having had some success with Meetup.com when the hubs was deployed, I decided to make an effort to try meeting people with similar interests through there.

I joined 2 "Mom's" groups, one which had people more interested in going clubbing and arranging play dates with their older kids, and the other always held Meetups that cost too much at the time. I tried going when I could, but the kid always comes first, so I wasn't too successful. Both groups ended up removing me for "lack of activity.

Recently I joined a group of "fiber fiends"...people who knit, crochet, cross-stitch, etc. I even paid the dues after attending my first successful meeting. They have a meetup scheduled at the local Starbucks every Thursday at 6:30 pm. Since I hate being the first one there (and yet ALWAYS end up that way), I decided to leave a little late today, and arrived at 7:00. There was a group of people in the room we used last time, but it looked like a book club, and I didn't recognize anyone. I looked on the calendar Starbucks has for scheduling use of that room, and the meetup group wasn't listed. I found a place to sit that was visible and where I could see the room, and waited. Nobody came that looked ready to practice fiber artistry. I posted comments on the group page, and after 30 min I left. I spent an hour total in drive time to be stood up by an entire group.

If this were a one time thing I don't think I would be as upset. Unfortunately this seems to be a regular occurrence in my life. In college I tried rushing the sororities to make friends...when you don't have many paying for friends doesn't sound so bad. Needless to say, I wasn't chosen.

A couple years later (after moving across the country and back, returning to school at 23) I joined the Baptist Collegiate Ministries leadership team, again trying to make friends and get involved. My problem now was that everyone was just out of high school, so I was the "old fart" that didn't fit into the cliques that followed people from hs to college. I went on a mission trip through this group, and one of my teammates was a 21 year old girl from my college. We spent the summer traveling to different churches in FL, helping lead vacation bible schools, youth programs, and anything else they needed. Two weeks were spent in the same town we went to school, and since the girl I was with was very popular, she wanted to spend all our time with her friends and boyfriend. As most people know, summers in FL often mean hurricanes, and this year was no different. The area we were at was placed under a watch, and we still had another 2 days before the next stop. We talked about it and agreed that it was best to leave a day early to make sure we got out of the area before the roads were jammed with evacuees. This also happened to be the night the BCM had their weekly service, which we attended. After everything was over I suggested we head to our host house to pack so we could leave early in the morning, rather than attend the "after party" (where everyone goes to hang out and eat free food). This girl tried to argue that we could go for a little while, and I tried to explain my side (having lived through several hurricane seasons where people start freaking out as soon as one entered the Gulf). She got pissed and basically said "that's why no one likes you...you always have to be right." I couldn't believe she would say something like that, simply because she didn't get to spend a couple more hours with her friends, especially when we had discussed it and agreed to leave early. After dropping the girls off at the house, I had to get gas in the car we were using, and I balled my eyes out the entire wait (45 minutes to get gas from a station a mile up the road...did I mention how stupid people get about hurricanes?). Even though she apologized, I never really got over that comment.

Since then there have been several times when I have felt left out. It's not that people go out of their way to exclude me...they don't even think to include me in the first place. It seems I am very forgettable. Graduating and entering the job market didn't help things, as most of my coworkers were over 40 with kids and families, and the few that were my age made WAY more money than me, and didn't understand when I couldn't afford to go out to lunch every day. I've always made at least one friend who I can genuinely call a friend at my jobs, which is what makes being a stay-at-home mom so difficult.

My husband, God bless him, really does encourage me to go out and do things I enjoy, and never tells me I can't do something (as long as we can afford it). But he can't make people like me, any more than I can. Sometimes I want to say "fuck it" and stop trying, but I feel so lonely without at least one friend I can go out with from time to time. And so I keep trying, and just hope that the next time will be successful.


Haiku for My Son
Ladybug
les_537

Little 2 year old
Must you whine all the time?
Driving me insane


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